The Red Baron

August 16 2006 (note: the red baron was stolen in Aug 2008

but we have purchased another - we will be puttering around searching for the old one. )

I don't wish to malign my city, but Peabody, Mass has about the worst traffic I've encountered. It can take a half hour to travel just a few miles. At intersections when you look left and right, you may see that you can go, but in an instant that can change. There can be several cars pulled up in back, two or three suddenly left and right, and somebody coming at you straight on. The congestion is awful.

I used to live in Woburn, a city of about the same size. I go there a lot, but the traffic hasn't changed much, despite an increased population. The roads are bigger, but that does not account for the difference. I looked at a Google sky map, and the reason for the horrible situation in Peabody is that zoning laws allow for houses to be built very close together. Some houses are multi family, and each house may have three cars. Even the back roads are congested. Also, there are major routes leading in from bigger cities, and the highways. So trucks add to the mess. Peabody attracts new home buyers by keeping property taxes low. They manage the city budget with volume – sacrificing quality.

The result is stress. Driving is a survival issue. In the 10 years I've lived here I've seen the problem get much worse. I've seen road rage increase. I've felt it myself. I remember reading an article about social pathology, and how it increases in tandem with population density. So it wouldn't surprise me if crime rates and traffic accidents rise. I've felt myself getting really aggravated in traffic. And I thought, “there has to be a solution.” If takes me 30” to travel 1500 yards, that's too many hours of my life sitting in a car, waiting for red lights, trying to avoid hitting somebody, or being hit.

Well I found a solution. The solution will keep me from developing coronary artery disease. It's called

“the red baron” ( So named by my daughter Mary) and here it is.

A Yamati RX* 50 scooter, Yamati I think is a division of Eurostrada.

When we were in New Hampshire vacationing we were puttering around in the white mountains on these things. The first sensation you feel is: a sense of freedom. Invincibility..

And you don't have to have 150 cc to feel it. My cousin says he has a bike will do 0-200 in 6 seconds.

Well the Yamati won't do that. But it will do 0-40 mph in about 4 minutes on a flat surface... if the wind is with you.

Speed is relative,. and so is the sensation of it. You won't get killed on a scooter, riding in open and thatlow to the ground feels fast. MY cousin's bike would fill you with mortal terror, you don't want that. Besides, at traffic lights, on the scooter, you can scoot up on the side walk, or scootch to the front of the pack of cars – don't try that at 200 mph.

Nor can you peel off to the road on the right, turn around and take the right turn on red and remain inconspicous. You can bob and weave in between cars. It pisses people off. So much so, that already I've been flipped “the bird” about 900 times. That's just the road rage of people stuck in cars, and the Peabody congestion talking.

They all resent my new found freedom. I just smile and say ” have a nice day.” That's not passive aggression by the way, that's just freedom talking. 750 cc of motorcycle isn't required for freedom.

And of course, you couldn't scootch around at that speed, big bikes aren't nimble. The object isn't power. It's just to get where you want to go without chest pains.

The Yamati will get 80 or more miles per gallon. You don't need insurance or a special license. I put it on the road for 40 bucks American. They just require a standard license and a sticker.

This scooter easily carries two people. My daughter and I went to visit my wife at her work, and when in a car that would take and hour of stressful driving both ways, it took us 15” one way. The scooter goes a little slower with two people. It took me 13” alone.

The scooter maneuvers very well, and it is very stable. Yesterday I filled the tank with two dollars.

So if you are a green type, concerned about prices of gas, or consumption, here is the answer for puttering around town. And beyond the practical concerns, this little scooter is just plain fun. Fun is what the toylander's understand will keep people young. Plus, it pulls you outside more, away from the computer. My daughter has actually spent more time away from video games than on them. At 13, she has already mastered how drive the scooter safely herself.

The Daily Bombast